


Without You, There Are No Tears

by dramaticalism (Yutaeism)



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:23:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yutaeism/pseuds/dramaticalism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though they both knew he would outlive the other, they still lived their lives together, through the good and the bad; before he closes his eyes one last time, Clear promises that he will not cry, so long as Aoba is not there to take the tears away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You, There Are No Tears

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift for my friend [Anella](http://bluelimsa.tumblr.com), based on a CleaAo headcanon she told me about.

_“Even if we’ll hurt each other, I still want to be together with you and just be selfish knowing that we can’t fight it.”_

Those words from so long ago… They resurfaced. They made a promise together, that even though they knew it would come to this point, they would make the best of the time they had together. He made sure of that.

A white-gloved hand clenched into a fist against the dark wood of the casket. His heart ached so terribly, but he wouldn’t let himself cry – he wouldn’t let himself succumb to those emotions, not in front of all their friends. And not when he had a responsibility. There was another promise he had made, the promise to keep living on, and if he let those tears fall he didn’t know how he could possibly keep to it.

He tore his eyes away to glance around the small room, to look at the mourning faces of only their dearest friends. Although there were only very few in attendance, somehow they were all here. Somehow they had outlived the one person that had connected all their lives. But you could see the age in all their faces – there weren’t many years left for them either. None of them would be able to escape the same fate.

Except him. His eyes went back to the casket, his heart filling with a pained love – pink irises scanned over the serene face within, seeing how peaceful it was.

“Clear.” A voice spoke low at his shoulder, stealing his attention away again. Koujaku’s aged face met his, his expression solemn. “I understand how you feel right now, Clear. I loved him too; he was always my best friend. It hurts to see him leave us, but… He’s still happy. He died happy.” Being in a business of beauty, the raven haired man had been able to mask his age, but as he tried to comfort the other, his smile pressed up the wrinkles in his face. A soft, sad smile formed on Clear’s porcelain face.

“Yes…”

“He died with the one he loved.” Another voice chimed in. Both men looked to find Mizuki just beside the hairdresser. His face looked older than Koujaku’s, but he still had the glow about him from many years ago; his gentle smile made it more apparent.

At that, Clear’s sad smile brightened slightly. He brought his eyes yet again back to the casket, this time instead of with sadness, gazing upon the other’s face with love. The memories of all the time they spent together trickled into his mind, his heart given a renewed strength to keep pushing on.

For the rest of the funeral, Clear kept his head up. He would not let painful emotions plague him. He’d be happy because that’s what he would want. The cemetery he would be buried in was a ways off and near the Northern District, but it held a special meaning and nobody questioned it. They all understood there had to be a very important reason to make the journey way out here and went along with it.

“Aoba was important to us all, as much as some may not want to admit. Your presence here today is enough to prove that. He lived his life to the fullest, happily, and content with the peace that those he considered dear were safe and living their lives. He died with a smile on his face. We will all keep him in our hearts and hope he watches over us until we join him as well.”

And with that short dedication, it was over. He was gone.

Everyone said their farewells to the android – Noiz nodded at him, Mink handed him a small bundle of feathers and flowers, Koujaku even hugged him lightly.  The others left small offerings and flowers in front of the gravestone. One by one, everyone walked off to return from where they came, leaving Clear alone to stare at the words on the marker.

_Aoba Seragaki  
Dear friend who should have outlived us all_

His heart ached even just reading his name. He made his way to the other side of the headstone and leaned against it. Slowly, he let his eyes slip close as a familiar tune hummed from his lips.

“Aoba… I love you.”

~

A summer sun hung low in the sky as white boots carefully strode across the grass. White, light pink, and peach flowers shimmered as they caught the light, giving the petals a gentle glow. Clear gently set the bouquet atop his love’s grave, his Jellyfish Song bubbling from him as he did.

This is how the days passed by now. He spent all his time at this grave, watching the sun make its way across the sky, counting the stars as they twinkled at night. Clear liked to think that Aoba could hear him if he talked here, so he always told a story. Somehow he always had something different to tell, from bringing up a memory to something that happened that day. The snow haired robot only left to go back to town and pick up flowers, maybe sometimes finding a little trinket to bring back as well. Then he’d make his rounds – he’d leave a small bouquet of white roses at Tae’s grave, something he’d done with Aoba after her passing, then bring another to his grandfather’s grave. At each he’d sing his song, say a little something akin to a prayer, and then make his way back to Aoba.

After he finished singing, he sat down in front of the bouquet. A moment passed before he reached into his pockets, fishing out a small, blue-colored glass bottle. Although empty, he gently placed the bottle near the flowers, smiling softly to himself as memories tickled the back of his mind.

“Aoba, I’m sure you remember that day, the day we went to my old house? How you told me that I was like a crow, picking up all those shiny things…” He chuckled to himself quietly. “When really it was because they reminded me of jellyfish… I found this on my walk today. It reminded me of you, which is why I took it. It’s blue, like your hair.” A gloved hand touched the container as he recalled his lover’s appearance, how he’d looked when they first met, remembered how soft his hair was, the gentle, clean smell it had, how it looked after a rousing time in bed.

At that, a faint blush colored his milky white cheeks. That blue shock of hair never got very mussed up no matter what happened, yet whenever they’d make love his bangs would end up everywhere and the back of his head always tangled and fluffed up. Clear found it extremely cute, and pointed it out once, much to Aoba’s embarrassment. Another smile formed upon his lips at that memory.

Pink eyes turned up towards the sky, relishing in the memories. Even though he felt such an overwhelming sadness, even through the pain and loneliness that tugged at his heart, the memories kept him going. There wasn’t much else that even caught his attention lately.

A small sound, however, did. Pulling him away from his thoughts, it was a faint, forlorn noise, coming from somewhere not too far away. Usually there was no one ever around besides him, seeing how this was a very small graveyard, and any sort of fauna that might be around would be incapable of making a sound like that. Concerned and curious, Clear rose from his spot to seek out the source.

Although his hearing was much more than an human’s, having only one side able to hear made things much more difficult for him. The snow haired robot found himself walking in circles a bit before he finally saw a small form sitting alone in the grass. As he approached, he watched the form shudder – it was a child, crying.

“Uhm… Excuse me…” Clear spoke gently, not wanting to scare them.

Eyes the color of the sun turned to meet the robot’s gaze. They were rimmed with red, puffy from all the crying. A young boy, possibly no older than 3 or 4, sniffled at this unknown person.

“What’s wrong?” The robot kept his voice soft. “Why are you crying?”

Another wave of tears looked like they were about to fall as the boy fumbled around with his words. “I-I’m lost! There w-was a b-butterfly, and it was b-blue, and my f-favorite color is blue so I f-followed it,“ he hiccupped, his voice hitching through his stutters, “and now I don’t k-know where Mommy and D-Daddy went…” His sobbing resumed with a force, to Clear’s dismay.

“Ah, uh,” a nervous chuckle escaped him as scratched his head. “Please don’t cry. Uhm… Do you want to see something funny?” He tenderly placed a gloved hand upon the small boy’s shoulder.

Tears still streamed from the light yellow eyes, but he looked up. The robot fumbled around in his pockets before turning away slightly, attaching something to his face. Upon facing the boy again, he wore a gas mask. Moving closer to the boy, he breathed slowly through the mask, then quickly pulled it off to reveal a comical mask looking like a woman’s face, paired with a cry of “Ja-jang~!”

As giggles bubbled from the boy at the sight of it, Clear slowly removed the other mask, pocketing both. The tears dripping from those young eyes were from his laughter now, and the sound of it touched to the robot’s heart, a smile pulling at his lips. Not just a half sad smile, not a remembering smile, it was a smile full of joy, and that fact alone warmed his whole being. The boy wiped his face dry as he recovered from his tiny outburst, finally looking at Clear completely.

“I remember you! You’re the funny man from my dreams!”

“Hah?” Confused, pink eyes met yellow. Something else tugged in the back of Clear’s mind, but he brushed it aside as he straightened himself up. He remembered something about the “babbling of children,” and how so often it was bizarre nonsense. Looking at the boy, he reached out a gloved hand. “Should we go look for your parents then?” This time the smile was soft and comforting, a gentle reassurance that he would make sure things would be okay.

Excited nodding followed from the child as he stood himself with Clear’s assistance. When the robot pulled his hand away, the boy quickly reached out and clung to his fingers. He smiled again – how many times now had he found himself smiling? Clear never had much interaction with children, so he found this whole situation endearing. He wrapped his fingers around the small hand and began to walk.

The man found himself making small talk, from some obvious questions like what his name was (“I’m Ano!”), what his parents’ names were (“Mommy is Mina and Daddy is Jiro”), what they looked like (“Mommy is wearing a big hat!”), to silly topics like if he liked things that were shiny (“Yes!”), if he knew what a jellyfish was (“No but I like jelly sandwiches”), if he liked doughnuts (“Yep but Mommy doesn’t like me eating a lot of sweets”). Clear wanted to keep the boy talking to keep his mind off of being lost, to distract him from the reason why they were wandering.

Reds, oranges, and purples began to stain the sky when the robot found himself in a familiar place. Clear had gotten so wrapped up in their conversation he hadn’t even noticed time passing by. Sniffling sounds started from Ano when the realization they weren’t having any luck finding his parents.

“Ah, no, no, please don’t cry!” He kneeled down and wiped at the droplets forming in the boy’s eyes. “I’m sure they’re looking for you right now. We probably just missed them. It’s okay. We’ll wait here for them.” Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a contrast of white against the green grass and slightly darkening sky.

As if by instinct, he’d walked them back to Aoba’s grave. Ano nodded his head and rubbed his eye as Clear stood up, looking at the grave. The robot gave the boy a small smile and touched the top of his head lightly before rummaging around in his pockets. As they’d roamed the graveyard together, Clear would spot little things here and there that he’d pick up purely out of habit. He’d even seen a few little daisies not very far off that he picked. Gently, he placed these daisies in the bottle from earlier, a reminiscent smile tugging at his lips as he touched the gravestone. The small boy walked up beside him, gently tugging at his sleeve.

“Are you going now?” His voice was tiny and quiet as well, a sadness beginning to form in his eyes at the idea of being alone again.

Without even looking at him, Clear shook his head. “No. This is my place. This is where my most important person is, so this is where I belong.” His hand touched the top of the child’s head again as he turned to face him, that same smile laced with a slight loneliness on his face. The robot took his usual spot before the arrangement of flowers and trinkets and begun to hum a tune, his lips parting as he gently sang his song for his love.

Mouth falling open slightly, Ano gaped at the melody – he’d never heard anything like it, and his young mind can only think of how pretty a sound it was. Everything that had been on his mind suddenly clouded, fogged over with only a sense of contentment and warmth. He sat too, next to his newfound friend, letting the song wash over him. Soon his eyelids drooped, a yawn passing his own lips as he fell softly against the older man, drowsiness taking over. He may be lost right now, but that’s okay. He’s okay. The sound of this song was peaceful and inviting, and he felt he could just stay here and sleep to the lull of it forever.

The boy was snoring very slightly when Clear finished his song. Upon the realization, he chuckled to himself, strangely at ease. They may have just happened upon each other today, but there was something oddly comforting tickling at his heart about this boy. The snow haired robot touched the boy’s head again, petting it gently, noting the dark blue-ish color of his hair, finding comfort in the evenness of his breathing.

A sound of steps across the grass at a heightened pace sounded behind him. Clear turned to look past his shoulder and noticed a large, floppy sun hat. A younger looking man rushed up beside the pair, falling to his knees as he took the child into his arms. “Ano, Ano, there you are!” the pair called out, both their faces frazzled. The woman, her light brown hair falling from her hat, turned to Clear.

“I’m so sorry, sir… Was our son bothering you at all? We were visiting a relative’s grave when he walked off by himself, we’ve been looking all over, oh I don’t know what I would have done if we didn’t find him before it got dark…” She spoke in a rush, her voice cracking occasionally, tears in her eyes. The robot raised a hand to stop her, a reassuring look on his face as he shook his head.

“He was no trouble at all, miss. I heard him crying and thought I would keep him company until you were reunited.” He smiled politely at the couple.

“T-thank you, sir.” The father’s voice was more hushed and worried as he cradled the boy in his arms. Ano’s eyes began to crack open, blinking slowly as he felt himself being moved.

“Huh… Daddy?”

Ano’s father smiled as he kissed the boy’s forehead. “Yes, son, Daddy’s here.” He stood up. “I don’t know how to express how indebted we are to you sir. Thank you, again, so much.” The man nodded at the other as he straightened himself up as well. Both parents smiled at the robot before turning and beginning to walk away. “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

A gloved hand waved to their retreating backs as a small head popped up on the father’s shoulders, a tiny hand opening and closing to wave goodbye. “See you, Clear,” the tiny voice called back as he rubbed a sleepy eye, bringing a warm smile to the robot’s face.

The rest of the day resumed as normal, and as stars began to dot the sky Clear lay on his back counting the shimmering lights and telling Aoba the story of the day’s events.

“…as they left, he looks back and waves, saying ‘see you, Clear,’ like it—“

Suddenly sitting up, Clear looked straight ahead at the gravestone, cutting himself off as he came to a realization.

“I don’t think… I ever told him my name.” Confusion seized him. “I don’t… remember saying it at least. But there’s no other way he could have known my name. I must have said it at some point. That’s the only way, right?” He looked at the flowers as if they could give him an answer. Sighing, he brushed the feeling aside, convinced he had said it, just forgotten when because he’d been so focused on the boy. He lay back again, watching the sky grow darker and darker, letting the quiet surround him.

A gloved hand reached up as if he were trying to grab onto the stars. “I miss you, Aoba,” a whisper fluttered into the night.

~

The days passed by as normal, just as he expected them to. Pink eyes were looking up at the sky, watching as thin clouds lazily made their way across the blue when a small voice caught his attention.

“Clear!”

Looking across the grass, a small figure with hair the color of the deep ocean and eyes of sunshine waved, a bag in one hand. It made its way over to where the robot sat and plopped itself down right next to him with a giddy expression.

“A-Ano?” He gave him a confused look as the boy began to rummage through the bag he brought along.

“Mommy gave me cookies. I wanted to share them with you!” At that, the child pulled out two fairly large sugar cookies, offering one while chomping down on the other.

Apprehensively at first, Clear took the treat from the boy, still curious as to why he was here again. He looked around to see if there was someone else around, but was met with just the empty air. Looking back at the cookie, he pushed aside all his confusion and broke the cookie in half, placing one half next to today’s bouquet of flowers and taking a small bite of the other.

Ano consumed his snack quickly, turning his eyes to Clear when he was done. His eyes were full of curiosity as he watched the older one mostly nibble at the sweet. Pink eyes met his gaze, and he opened his mouth.

“Are you always alone here?” The question came so innocently, and yet caught the robot so off guard. He blinked a few times before turning his face towards the tombstone, thinking.

“…No, not really, actually.”

“What, someone else is here with you too?”

Clear laughed a little, patting the kid on the head. “I’m never alone. I’m here with my most important person remember? And you’re here too, aren’t you?”

At that, the boy’s face lit up brightly. His smile was so full of youthful pride, memories of a time before flooded Clear’s body, warming his chest. It almost tempted a tear as well, but he blinked that feeling away. _I won’t cry. I promised him._

Instead he settled for smiling and thanking him for the cookie, finishing it up in a few more bites. They spent the next few hours just there, talking about whatever came to their minds – who Aoba was, why Clear never left, the magical properties of Clear’s pockets, the weather, Ano’s family, Allmates, whether Ano liked cats or dogs, and more.

The sun was starting to dip lower into the sky when a voice called out Ano’s name. Both bodies turned to see his mother waving near the pathway. “Come now, let’s get going before dark!”

“Yes, Mommy!” He clumsily pushed himself onto his feet, before waving at his companion. “Bye-bye, Clear!” came his rushed farewell as he ran up to the woman. Clear returned the wave, watching them as they disappeared out of the graveyard.

Well, that was certainly different. He lay back, watching the sky begin to stain with the colors of sunset, breathing evenly and recollecting his thoughts. How strange it was for the small lost boy to come back and even just share a cookie. It was endearing, and even cute. Clear did appreciate the company, however, and there _was_ something about Ano that made him feel rather at ease. It must be that childlike innocence for the world he held. He hadn’t gone through any of the traumas that life could throw at him yet, the kinds of traumas Clear had seen far too much of.

It was a change of pace – and Clear was more than welcoming of it.

Soon it became a common occurrence, one that the robot began to look forward to. Sometimes Ano would come with treats, sometimes he came with something small to place at the grave. Sometimes they would just stay there, and sometimes they’d walk around the graveyard, Ano clinging to Clear’s gloved hand. The boy began to pick up on little habits Clear had, like picking up the little things that caught his eye, or stopping to appreciate the beauty of the sky.

Ano’s favorite thing, however, was Clear’s singing. The Jellyfish Song, he learned, was something he’d always had, and it was Aoba’s favorite thing too. The boy liked to lay in the grass next to the other while his voice rang out through the still air, serene and calming. As Ano grew older, this song would be the one he yearned to hear to ease his troubles.

As a child, Ano would stop by once a week. Once when Clear asked what his parents thought about him always coming to a graveyard, he told the older man that they were okay because he convinced them that Clear was a good person. At first, of course, they were a bit skeptical, but Ano realized when he got older that his visits to Clear were a good opportunity for his parents to pay their respects to their relatives, something they realized they didn’t do often enough, as well as a way to repay him for finding the lost child all those years ago. It ended up working out in the end for the boy.

And for the snow haired robot as well. He watched the boy grow from the small child he met to a young man, a little reminiscent of watching Aoba as they passed the years together. Ano came to him like a confidant, sharing the secrets he didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone else. Once he hit high school, his visits grew even more frequent, to the point where he would be at the graveyard every day. He came whenever he had a good day and wanted to gush about it – he came whenever he had a bad day and needed to calm down. Sometimes he just wanted to talk, sometimes he needed advice; Clear was always the first person he would go to.

There was always a tickling sort of feeling when it came to Ano that nagged at Clear. It wasn’t bothersome, he looked forward to seeing the boy – rather it was like a memory trying to make itself known that he couldn’t quite pinpoint whenever they met. He felt it the strongest whenever Ano would come, his face plastered in a cheesy smile, to tell him about how amazing his day was, or how he found a place that was just _so cool_. Maybe it was because he’d always end those stories with _“Maybe one day we could share that too.”_

Finally one day came where Ano came to Clear with a different message.

“Uh… Hey. Clear.” They’d been sitting back to back quietly watching the clouds gently roll by with the light spring breeze.

“Yes?”

“So… I’m going to be graduating soon. And… I know you never leave here except for the flowers, but I would really like you to be there. For me. It’d be important to me. But you don’t have to.” His voice stammered out the words. “I just… It would mean a lot.”

Clear’s eyes smiled at the thought. “Sure, I’ll go.”

“H-huh?” Ano turned to face the robot’s back, taken aback by the response. “R-really?”

A warmth enveloped Clear’s chest as he turned to face the other. “I don’t mind it if it’s you.”

Color crept up into the young man’s face as his eyes lit up, looking away in embarrassment. He felt his heart pound, waiting for Clear’s eyes to pull away from him.

When he finally turned back, Clear was staring at a place he usually would – straight at Aoba’s headstone. A solemn expression patched over his face, as if he were trying to gather his thoughts. Ano cleared his throat, some of the color fading from his cheeks, mouth opening to say something—

“There’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask you all these years.” Ano’s lips pressed together as Clear spoke first, his statement almost a whisper against the air. The young man felt his pulse rise again, feeling like he knew what it was.

“Why?”

A single word, and yet there was so much behind it. Ano knew. _“Why have you been coming here to see me all these years?”_ It was a question he knew they would come to someday. He was waiting for it. His eyes turned towards the sky, focusing his gaze on a wispy haze of a cloud as it lazily passed over their heads, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Because…” he began, “I never really knew why but I’ve always felt like I could trust you. Something told me that we were meant to meet, that we were meant to be something special.” A small chuckle escaped him, turning his gaze back to Clear, finding his pink eyes full of surprise. “For a long time, I couldn’t understand why being around you just felt so right, so familiar; like I was coming home.”

He sat up on his knees slightly, taking Clear’s hand in his own. “But I know now.” He watched as the pink irises went from slight confusion, to shock, to uncertainty.

“I don’t remember ever telling you, but I’ve seen you in my dreams since before we even met. They’re the only dreams I can ever recall, too, they’re always so vivid… And… Well… The only explanation is that they aren’t just dreams.” Ano closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a slight quiver in Clear’s hand.

“They’re memories, Clear. Memories of you… of him… me… They’re memories of us.”

The quiver turned into visible quaking as Clear’s body failed to hide his feelings, his expression that of disbelief and hope, his eyes pooling with emotions long held back. Ano kissed the palm of his gloved hand softly.

“Clear… I’ve come back.” The soft smile that shone on his face brought a vivid memory to Clear’s mind, seeing the resemblance, realizing what that prickling feeling in his heart was for all these years. “I came home.”

His voice is wavering, cracking as he chokes out the two syllables pounding in his chest. “A…oba..?”

A sound of pure joy, laced with so many emotions, that was Ano’s laugh as his eyes welled up with tears. “…Yes, I’m back now.”

“Aoba…”

Ano’s arms wrap around Clear gently as the emotions overwhelm him, as he gives in to the sobbing, the whisper of his voice sounding all the more familiar.

_“It’s okay now. I’m back. You can cry again, because I’m here to kiss away the tears.”_

**Author's Note:**

> ...we both just really wanted a happy ending for Clear because, if you think about it, he never really gets that. Precious jellyfish prince.
> 
> Note this is actually a rather old story now that has been up on my [Tumblr](http://myxsis.tumblr.com/post/74406368069/without-you-there-are-no-tears) for a while now, I just never got around to uploading it here ^ ^;;


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